There is a standard cliche regarding marriage and sex which runs along the lines of- people date and have awesome sex lives. Then people get married and sex life declines, eventually becoming non existent.
This is often stated as an inevitability. Just one of the unavoidable “fall outs” of committed, long term relationships- and though this makes great fodder for late night stand-up comedy routines, it is actually a great source of suffering for many, many couples.
There is no doubt that making the commitment to spend the rest of your life in cohabitation with another human being will impact your sexual experience (along with every other aspect of your life), but that impact does not have to be negative, or inhibit you from having a spectacular and profoundly satisfying sex life.
In fact, married sex has the potential to be the absolute best sex of your entire life, and here are 3 reasons why:
#1- Trust. As I state in the video below, going through the formal ritual of marriage cements the foundation of trust upon which your relationship is built. You have chosen to commit to building a life with this person. In order to do that you must feel a sense of trust and connection that is unparalleled in any other relationship that you currently have.
#2- Intimacy. Several years ago I learned a new definition of intimacy, and that is-“Intimacy is crossing boundaries with permission”. Wow. Crossing boundaries WITH permission…what better context to do this in than one in which you have made a lifetime commitment to maintain and deepen that connection.
#3- Depth of connection. As I said above, you have made the conscious choice to build a life with this one particular human being. Out of all the other human beings on this planet, YOU are making the choice to spend the rest of your life with this ONE. And they with YOU. That speaks to a depth of connection which again, is unparalleled in any other relationship that you currently have.
Now I know that what I have stated above is not necessarily the reality for every person who is married. I also am not attempting to indicate in anyway that this level of depth, connection and commitment is available only to those who go through the formal process of being married.
What I am speaking to is the highest, most realized expression of what marriage (be it formal or informal) can and SHOULD be.
Marriage in it’s highest expression is a union of body, mind, heart and soul, and though it is also an institution which has been and continues to be abused in many ways, ultimately it is meant to be an expression of a depth of love and profundity of connection, which is rare, unique, precious, and sacred.
Marriage give us the wonderful opportunity to dive deep into our shadows, into our insecurities, into our fantasies, into all these areas of self exploration, which by their very nature require a solid of foundation love, acceptance, safety and trust.
In fact, according to sexual health expert and best-selling author Dr. Laura Berman, “studies have found that married people have more sex than single people, and they also have more varied sex”
It is because of this foundation of love and trust that married sex has the potential to be the deepest, most profound, most soul satisfying sex of your entire life.
