On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable are you talking about sex with:
1) Your Partner
2) Your Friends
3) As a Random Topic of Conversation?
If you are like most people, you probably feel some degree of discomfort talking about sex in general, no matter who you are with, and VERY uncomfortable discussing the details of sex, especially when it comes to openly sharing what brings you pleasure.
For most of my life, I was much more comfortable talking and giggling about sex with my girlfriends than I was with my current lover. In fact, my girlfriends knew more about what my partner was doing right or wrong in bed than he (and in some cases she) did.
I was horrified at the thought of actually filling him in on the details of my sexual pleasure, largely because I was afraid of what he or she might think of me, even though the desires were very simple such as; pressure on my nipples during oral sex.
Information that I am sure they would have enjoyed knowing, and gladly acted upon, but I was imprisoned by the subconscious belief that “nice girls” don’t WANT in bed.
Sex, sexual pleasure, and the details around what gets us off and turns us on, (no matter how basic) is kinda like a dirty little secret we hold inside.
Most of us will maybe allow ourselves to “go there” and indulge in our ‘guilty pleasure” during masturbation, while watching porn, or hiring a sex worker to help us “work it out”, because we are too embarrassed (or even disgusted) to share our sexual desires with the people closest to us, for fear of what they might think.
This fear of TALKING about sex with our partners is reflected in our inability to discuss sex and sexual pleasure openly in our society. Our culture bombards us with over-sexualized images and innuendos, while preventing and even criminalizing healthy, open, sexual discussion amongst adults.
There seems to be this attitude that as long as sex is portrayed within a certain format i.e. porn, playboy, commercials, magazines, i.e to make money- it is acceptable, where as sex positive education and information aimed at creating awareness and empowering people is frowned upon and even disallowed.
The first step in becoming sexually empowered is acknowledging how profoundly affected we are by living in an atmosphere of fear, shame, guilt, and ignorance. The pain this causes us as individuals and subsequently in our relationship cannot be underestimated.
We can’t be wholly comfortable having sex, until we are wholly comfortable talking about sex, as individuals and as a culture.
It is by shedding light on the subject of sex and making it conscious that we begin to heal.
We encourage healthy sexual experiences for ourselves and our children by making the discussion of sex as natural, comfortable, and relevant as discussing cooking and politics; rather than relegating it to the shadowy corners of “unmentionable” and “Taboo.”
Learn my 3 tips for EASY sexual communication below:
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