9 Steps for Moving Through A Sexual Block

1. Recognize that you’ve encountered a block

You may encounter a physical/emotional block in a number of situations. It could be during a sexual encounter, such as during intercourse, foreplay, or while self-pleasuring. You may also encounter physical/emotional blocks at other times, for example, when someone you don’t trust touches you, or when you hear a song or sound associated with a trauma, or maybe simply while stretching your body in yoga class. The individual’s unique experiences determine when a block is activated. When you stimulate the cells that are holding trauma you might have a physical or an emotional response to that sexual block. This could manifest as:

• Pain, numbness or irritation in the body or genitals that is not caused by a medical problem.
• A sudden unexplained emotional response, such as fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, sadness, panic, anger, or any other emotion that brings you discomfort.
• A memory flash of an uncomfortable past life experience.
• Sudden tension or elevated heart rate and breathing.

2. Notify

Communicate by letting your partner know that you have encountered a sexual block, or are feeling any physical or emotional discomfort. If you are alone as you encounter a block, remind yourself that you are safe and that you have the tools to help yourself heal.

3. Identify the block in the body

Ask yourself “From where is the pain or the emotion originating?” or “What is the physical sensation I’m feeling?”
For partners: If your partner tells you he/she is releasing a block ask them “Are you experiencing any physical or emotional pain, numbness or irritation? Where is it in your body?”

4. Place your hand on the blocked area and breathe

Place one hand on the affected area and one hand on your heart and begin breathing using the Ocean Breath. Simply allow and connect with the emotion or the physical sensation that you are experiencing. Continue to apply gentle pressure, observe it and breathe.

**If you are using a toy when you encounter this block you can use the toy to continue to apply gentle pressure.

For partners: If your partner is releasing a block they are sometimes uncomfortable and confused and don’t always remember the steps for releasing a block. You may want to ask for permission to place one hand on the blocked area and one hand on your partner’s heart. Then, lead them through breathing with the Ocean Breath. Let them know that you are present with them and willing to assist in their healing.

5. Hold space for healing

When you are releasing a sexual block you may cry, yell, moan or have any number of emotional responses. It is important that you hold space for your own healing. This involves honoring your feelings and not judging yourself for whatever is coming up. Allow yourself to feel the emotion or the pain of the trauma and let it leave your body by observing it while you continue to breathe through the experience. If you are with your partner, remember to express any needs you may have to your partner.

For partners: Patiently hold space for your partner to heal. Continue to occasionally ask them what they need. Remember, it is okay not know exactly what to do. What is important is that you stay present with your partner and let them feel whatever they need to feel, while responding to their requests. They need to know that you are there for them, that they are safe and that it is okay for them to take this time to heal.

6. Give the Block a Voice (optional)

As you connect with the physical sensation and/or emotion, you can gently ask it “What would you like to tell me? What are you feeling? What do you need? How can I support you?” Allow whatever message you hear to be spoken through you, out loud to either yourself or to your partner. Allowing the block to have a voice and feel heard will help the memory to release and heal.

For partners: As your partner connects with the block, you can gently ask the above questions, allowing them to feel heard and identify more directly with their feelings and needs. There is no need to respond to what is spoken; simply listen and validate whatever is shared.

7. Reflect on the experience

As the sexual block releases, the emotions will begin to level out, and the pain or numbness may begin to subside. If you are with a partner you may want to take this time to talk about your experience, remembering that it is also OK to keep it to yourself if you like. Afterward, you may want to journal about your experience.

8. Decide if you want to continue engaging in pleasure

Once a block has been released you can decide if you wish to continue making love or self-pleasuring. It is often helpful to end this kind of healing with a pleasurable experience, but do not push yourself! Ask for what you need. Instead of lovemaking, you may ask your partner to hold you or you may need time alone. There is no right or wrong way to feel after releasing a block, so long as you are honoring your experience and your needs.

9. Thank yourself/Reward Yourself

Congratulations, you’ve just taken a giant leap forward on your healing journey. Now is the time to acknowledge, thank and reward yourself for being open to healing your sexual block. Good job!

You could reward/thank yourself by taking a long, hot bath with bubbles or essential oils, having a sweet piece of fruit or maybe by listening to some good music and writing in your journal.