Question ~ Dear Devi,
I’ve always fantasized about anal sex. My boyfriend is interested, but we both feel nervous. What’s the deal with anal? Why is it both enticing and scary? And how do we ease into it so that we can both get comfortable?
When it comes to anal pleasure of any sort I have 2 primary recommendations.
#1 is start small and slow, and the other is LUBE.
Many people don’t realize that the anal area is the 2nd highest concentration of pleasure sensitive nerve endings (the genitals being first of course), so anal stimulation has the potential to be a whole other realm of sexual happiness for you.
That being said, many people understandably have a few “blocks” or fears around it.
In my opinion, one of the first things to take into account when exploring anal pleasure is the level of arousal for the receiver. Just like you want to be “warmed up” for vaginal intercourse, you likewise need to be warm and ready for anal intercourse.
Also, as I said above, start small and slow. For me this would look like introducing a well-lubed finger into the anus during prolonged foreplay, and gently massaging the area while stimulating the vulva and clitoris, and after massaging the g-spot.
This will generally help you relax into the sensation while providing a gentle, non-threatening form of penetration.
Then, for the actual intercourse, I recommend approaching it after about 10 minutes (or more!) of vaginal penetration, and maybe after you have already had an orgasm or two. And remember – Lube is a girls’ best friend when it comes to backdoor love!
As for the “mystique” around it, there seems to be a rising interest in anal intercourse, which I, and many others believe is due to the prevalence of anal sex in mainstream pornography. Often though, the sex is portrayed as quite rough, at times bordering on violence, and I have yet to see a bottle of lube being passed around to “ease entry”.
Rough, dry, un-lubricated anal sex before a woman (or man) is properly aroused can lead to anal fissures and tearing of delicate tissue, so this is something to be aware and cautious of.
That being said – I highly encourage couples to explore all of their sexual curiosities in a way that is loving, respectful, educated, and most of all consensual. In my opinion, that’s one of the perks of being in an intimate relationship. Having a trusted friend and companion to explore your emotional and sexual horizons with.
I can think of nothing I’d rather do on “date night”. Can you?
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