Why Orgasm Is Not The Goal

We talk a lot about orgasms here at IATE. The over 11 different orgasms for yoni owners and multiple, full body, non-ejaculatory orgasm for lingam owners are some of our favorite topics.

We talk about orgasm as a spiritual path and the fact that every orgasm IS a glimpse of enlightenment.

But the interesting thing about orgasms is- the more you try to have them, the more elusive they can be.

It’s very common for many people (males and females) to tense, strain, hold their breath and CHASE orgasm.

But this tensing and straining can actually block and/or minimize your orgasmic ability.

Here’s why:

#1- Your autonomic nervous system needs to be in a relaxed state in order for your sexual organs to function properly. This includes everything from the “blood rushing to your loins” engorgement process, the ability to feel and respond to stimulation, to the explosion of energy and sensation we describe as “orgasm”.

#2- Also- squeezing and tensing the pelvic floor muscles (which so many people are prone to) actually slows down and/or even stops the engorgement process of the female erectile tissue.

It can take 20-45 minutes for the female body to become fully engorged and READY for vaginal orgasms.

#3- And lastly, on the energetic level, orgasm is an expansion of energy. Tensing your body constricts this energy (puts a cap on it so to speak), causing the orgasmic sensation to be very genitally localized and minimal.

Because of this goal-oriented approach to orgasm and all of the mental, emotional, and physical tension it builds, most people are experiencing a mere fraction of their potential for pleasure.

This goal-oriented approach to sex also inhibits our ability to CONNECT!

Sex (of any kind) is the most intimate physical activity that we can engage in as human beings.

If your heart and mind are not fully online, the experience will generally feel somewhat flat, dull and only minimally satisfying.

And what we are actually seeking in “orgasm” is that sense of satisfaction, which some people describe as feeling complete, whole, peaceful, connected, and blissful.

This sense of “bliss” can actually be accessed at any moment… simply by being present, relaxed and aware.

“Relaxed awareness with focus” is what we call it, and this is something you must choose to cultivate on a daily basis, in and out of the bedroom.

Over time this “relaxed awareness with focus” blossoms into a visceral sensation of Bliss, which you can carry with you throughout the day.

Imagine what sex would be like if you were already feeling blissful, connected, and whole?

What would be your motivation for sex be?

Most likely it would be to play, to deepen connection, to explore, to cultivate consciousness, and create more juicy, yummy, bliss chemicals through the art and act of sexual pleasure.

This is truly the higher purpose of human sexual interaction- connection through pleasure and the cultivation of MORE. More connection, more health, more awareness, more joy, and more love.

We like to say that orgasm is the body’s natural response to pleasure, so when we make connection through pleasure our goal orgasms happen as easily and effortlessly as breathing.