“Your Ad has been denied. Ads may not promote pornography of any kind, etc. etc. etc.”
Once again, my attempts to promote my work and my “message” of freeing ourselves from the shackles of sexual shame, had been thwarted.
Ironic? Yes, I think that applies in this case.
From social media networks like Facebook and Twitter to content sharing platforms such as OutBrain, and even Google Adwords, my desired promotions are deemed pornographic and consequently denied.
And what is it about my ads that are so offensive they cannot be shown to free thinking adults, over the age of 18?
My great offence appears to be using the word “pleasure” in my advertising, and promoting the “enhancement of pleasure”.
And though I certainly understand and support businesses having discernment regarding what they promote, I do take issue with the idea that enhancing pleasure is the equivalent of “pornography”.
In our latest go rounds with both Facebook and Outbrain, they clearly state that – acceptable promotions for sexual health services must be geared towards “prevention”, but can not promote the idea of “enhancing pleasure”.
So what is about “enhancing pleasure” that is so horrendously offensive, that grown adults need to be protected from the very thought of it?
In our current cultural “climate”, true pornography (defined as visual images of people in various sex acts) is a billion dollar industry, easily accessed on any home computer, and daily consumption is considered normal and acceptable by most men.
And yet- there is still debate in this country about providing sex education to teenagers in public schools, and our Tantra education videos, (which includes conversations about cultivating healthy sexual intimacy, but which contain no visual nudity whatsoever), are considered “too explicit” to show on YouTube.
Please keep in mind that videos which show women “booty shaking” in shoestring G-strings, and teenage girls simulating blow-jobs on bananas ARE allowed on YouTube.
And let’s not even mention the fact that the “sex education” provided by schools is entirely geared towards pregnancy and disease prevention, and not any education about, or awareness of, “enhancing pleasure”. Even to the degree that our actual sexual anatomy is not even correctly represented.
(Women and men all over the world are still amazed to learn that women have as much erectile tissue internally as a man has externally, and this engorgement of internal erectile tissue plays a huge part in a woman’s ability to experience fulfilling sex)
*Source- Women’s Anatomy of Arousal
We unconsciously accept the unwritten rules of a culture which has determined that it is normal and acceptable to “jack off” in secret to images of people “fucking”, but do NOT under any circumstances talk about sexual pleasure and orgasm or intimacy in public.
And- if you dare to talk openly about “enhancing pleasure,” your first amendment rights to freedom of speech are actively censored.
And just for the record, I entirely support “jacking off” and self-pleasuring as you want, how you want, when you want, with whom you want.
What I object to is the unspoken demand for secrecy surrounding the whole situation of enhancing pleasure, and the culture of shame which encourages us to keep sexual pleasure and orgasm in the shadows, and further disallows the integration of our sexuality with our humanity.
So what is it about pleasure, especially sexual pleasure and orgasm, that is so frightening to the powers that be?
Well, I have a few theories about this…
As you may or may not know, one of my favorite understandings about human sexuality is how it is considered to be a gateway to “transcendence”, and connection with our divinity.
In the Vajrayana Tantric tradition, every orgasm is considered to be a glimpse of enlightenment, and thus- the human body is hardwired so that our sexual pleasure and orgasm are a direct conduit, (or pathway) to experiencing our limitless, eternal, infinite nature.
That’s pretty freaking intense.
Your sexual pleasure and orgasm is a “vehicle” of sorts, that allows you access to your divine, infinite, eternal, egoless self. And- the more sexual pleasure and orgasm you experience, the more established your mind becomes in this state of “bliss. To the point where all of life becomes easier, happier, healthier, more…pleasurable.
So why wouldn’t the “powers that be” WANT us all to be happier, healthier, and functioning in a state of bliss? Because when people are oriented towards pleasure, they are unwilling to inflict needless pain upon themselves and others.
Simply put- pleasure oriented people don’t make good soldiers, and they don’t make good slaves.
They may not even make good consumers of anything, other than food and coconut oil for lube, because that endless, gnawing, emptiness inside, which we are conditioned to fill up with “things”, is instead filled with love and connection.
The fact of the matter is that in order to experience extreme pleasure, we must be present in and connected to our body.
When we are present in the body, we are no longer distracted by that incessant mental chatter urging us to do more, buy more, be more.
We are relaxed, happy, aware, focused, connected- to ourselves, to our partners, to our actual purpose on this planet- which is not to pillage and destroy, but to celebrate, nurture and create.
In my opinion, one of the reasons we as a culture are systematically “blocked” in a myriad of different ways from accessing our true “pleasure potential” , is because it is difficult to enroll happy, orgasmic people in the program of dominance, power and pain that is the focal point of our current world order.
Happy people make a happy planet. That is simply a fact.
So, what can we do, each of us individually, to change the culture that we live in?
#1. Prioritize pleasure.
Yes. Do. Everyday. Prioritize doing things that feel GOOD. Get over the guilt you feel about giving and allowing yourself pleasure. Pleasure is your birthright. Guilt is part of your cultural conditioning. It is NOT natural. It is learned behavior and imposed upon you by a system that does not have your best interest at heart. So shake free from the shackles of your culturally endorsed “guilt programming”, and begin reclaiming your birthright to sexual pleasure and orgasm.
#2. Share your pleasure.
What we focus on grows. Not that we should or need to ignore our sufferings, but let’s give our triumphs and successes at least as much air time, as we do our aches and pains. This is sometimes all it takes to start enhancing pleasure in all areas of our lives.
Some ways I really like to share my pleasure are:
- Keeping a pleasure journal, and writing down my gratitudes, my celebrations, my successes, and the pleasures I recently experienced.
- Another way to share your pleasure is with your partner or good friends. A fun exercise is to say out loud to your partner, 3 or more things you feel grateful for, and/or ways in which your need for pleasure was met, within the last 24-36 hours.
#3. Explore enhancing pleasure.
There are a variety of different ways we can experience pleasure. We have access to at least 4 different “forms” of pleasure; physical/sensual, emotional, spiritual, and sexual. All these forms of pleasure have a positive, regenerative effect on the body.
What I find super interesting is the fact that sexual pleasure and orgasm specifically have the MOST beneficial effect upon our health and wellness, to the degree that I believe sexual pleasure and orgasm is one of the best “vitamins” you can take.
Simply put- in many cases, pleasure = health and happiness. Fear, stress, guilt, shame, etc. = suffering, pain, and illness.
Taking the time to study, explore, express, and understand more about our own pleasure (and how it affects our body, mind, and spirit), is part of what it means to be a mature and responsible human being.
Now if only that was part of our standardized “Education”.
Learn how to enhance your pleasure scale in every area of your life! Join the Female Orgasm Intensive Today!!
I wish what you share here will one day be taught in schools. Thank you for giving me so much permission to experience pleasure
You are so welcome! We are delighted to support you and YES! This should be taught in schools!
Thank you for an excellent article!!! I agree that this denial of pleasure and ignorance around sex and sex education is the driving force behind the restrictions, inaccuracy, shame and guilt we experience in this society.
Yeah! Thanks so much for your comment 🙂